There Was a Young Lad - A Ballad

[Donald J. Lester]

I thought this had the potential of a "ballad"?

There Was a Young Lad

There was a young lad named Brad,
he was considered a little brat.
He didn't take no crap.
Now listen here, Brad could run off
at the mouth. He was full of brickade barck,
given a full day, that boy could lay rail tracks.
When night fall came, all the boys were on their backs,
good old Brad, was ready to raise the stacks.

With a gleam in the eye, he could taste the rye
and smell those dance girls with all their frills.
Every night before the old clock struck six,
Brad was ready for his fix for rye and licks,
back by five in the morn, licking his lips.
On the day he turned twenty five, Brad headed
for town, at three, thirty five, humming like a beehive.

On this day, Brad was washed and polished,
with a smile he buckled his holster,
he strut,  looked like a rooster;
by six we though we should go to save Bard
from being stuffed in a roaster.
It was seven when we arrived at bar eleven,
there was no Brad, we though he was in heaven.

We questioned the bar tender,
He told us, it was over,
Brad was laying in new clover...
as he handed us a note, “are you the guys
laying on your backs down at the tracks?
we nodded, this is from Brad..
It read-
No more rail road tracks ,
I don’t want to die in poverty
while you laid on your backs,
read every book in the library to earn my liberty
there still there, waiting in stacks.....

Things may not be as they seem
for Brad had a dream.....

[jeannerene]

Well .... Brad it a very interesting character indeed ....

Don ... it is late ... but I am coming back to this tomorrow....

....jeanne...

[Donald J. Lester]

 

[kimmyjean]

 

Love and Peace
Kimmy

[jeannerene]

I do think it has potential for a ballad too....right now the middle is the strongest section .... having more of a lyrical tone... the 1st stanza I think needs to be reworked to capture that same flow .........

... I wanted more at the end Don...what did Brad think about his dream? ............

[Donald J. Lester]

hehehe the dream implies that he had a goal....Not that this was a dream...
will have a review of the first S...

thanks...

[Donald J. Lester]

Stanza -1-

There was a young lad named Brad,
he was tad of little brat.
He didn't take no crap.
Now listen here, Brad could run off
at the mouth real bad.
He was full of brickade barck,
given a full day, that boy could lay rail tracks.
When night fall came, all the boys were on their backs,
good old Brad, was ready to raise the stacks.

[ioan]

A difficult form Don, you did quite well.
Is this a their perhaps in stead of there?

there still there, waiting in stacks

3rd line from end


regards

ioan

[Donald J. Lester]

Ioan...hmm you make a good point..
Appreciation-
maybe ...

they're still there. waiting in stacks...

what do you think...

Don..

[Rena Hands]

There was a young lad named Brad,
he was considered a little brat.
He didn’t take any crap.

When night came all the boys were on their backs,
good old Brad was ready to raise the stacks.

Every night before six o clock,
Brad was ready for his fix of rye and licks,

On the day he turned twenty five, Brad headed
for town at three thirty five, humming like a beehive.

On this, his twenty fifth, he was washed and polished,
with a smile he buckled his holster, he strut,  looked like a rooster;
(there is too much space in the above sentence either bring it down or correct the error)

by six we though we should go to save Brad
from being stuffed in a roaster.
By six we thought we should save him
from being stuffed in a roaster.

It was seven when we arrived at bar eleven,
there was no Brad, we though he was in heaven.
It was seven when we arrived at bar Eleven,
he was not there, we thought he was in heaven.

We questioned the bar tender,
He told us it was over,
We questioned the bar tender,
he informed us that it was over,

No more rail road tracks  ,
(there is too much space here)

I know very little of writing a Ballad but I know the following; the rhyme is awkward, the punctuation is clumsy and the full idea seems too abrupt. You use the name Brad too much. The title should read "There Was a Young Lad".

[Donald J. Lester]

I do agree with some of your suggestions...

Every night before the old clock struck six,
Brad was ready for his fix for rye and licks,

Every night before six o clock,
Brad was ready for his fix of rye and licks,

the idea here with "old" was to create a time frame..
and six to rhyme with licks...though not a perfect rhyme..

and positively agree with the suggestion of the title, "There Was a Young Lad".....

also the spacing , are sometimes caused through Cut and Past..depending on what editor one uses..

I sincerely appreciate the read and comments and will go through this write again...
and agree that it needs some work...

Don~